Just Hold Out 

I’ve been reflecting lately on the things that happened to me during 2016. It was a year that started so uncomfortably, feeling like I was in the wrong place at the right time and that I was supposed to hold on and just let something good happen. Of course, things didn’t happen this way. I had to take charge. But mistakes were made, friendships were formed and broken, grades went up and then back down. Life is unpredictable and a rollercoaster, but you have to hold on tight to get to the finish, even when you feel like screaming. 

If you feel like you don’t belong anywhere, chances are you are wrong. Everyone belongs somewhere, and if the people around you feel wrong to you, you’re not with the right people. I spent the first part of 2016, trying to get to know a group that I didn’t feel I belonged with. Events happened, fate intervened and they are no longer in my life, however this was to no fault of my own, this was due to other people getting involved and names were dropped and a lot of drama occurred. However, if somebody hadn’t of dragged me under to look good to them, I have to keep asking myself: would I be with them and not as confident now? 

Things often work out for a reason, but I was devastated even so when it didn’t work out. Purely because even if people aren’t close to me, I like to know that they are okay. I like to spread positivity where I can and provide a shoulder where one may need it. It’s always good to know there’s somebody that will listen or have your back when you feel like the world is crashing around you and I try to be that person for everybody. I’m the person that will hold their own if treated badly, but will apologise anyway because they want to keep the peace. 

The middle part of my 2016 was spent with people who didn’t belong together. We all had mismatching personalities and different agendas and interests. It was hard to find something we had in common other than drinking. If you didn’t want to go out drinking, you would feel scrutinised and hope that the next morning you still had friends. However, these people are all great, we just sucked as a group. Beautiful personalities lie in each and every one of these personas and I’m grateful for my summer with them. They taught me how to stand up for myself and how to admit when I’m wrong but also defend myself when I’m right. I learnt to love myself and flush those from my brain who didn’t deserve the space there. I began a body positivity blog and started to really take care of myself. It was about me and me only. I needed that time to show myself some affection and care because I felt I wasn’t getting it from anybody else. 

Then the most amazing thing happened in September, a group of incredible people moved closer to me and I got to see them a lot more. I finally felt like I belonged somewhere. We all have personalities that just fit and we have each other’s backs. I will treasure these people and all they’ve done for me, they’ve given me a home away from home and a sanctuary. Each moment I spend with them I wish for fifty more. They make me laugh and we debate and can talk about the serious things. If any of them needed me, I would be there in five minutes. I found my place with them. 

My point is, sometimes the journey gets difficult when you hit a steep end but it doesn’t mean it’s going to stay that way. You are going to meet disposable people in disposable places and meet eternal friends in the most memorable of places. Think of your life as a movie, you are the protagonist.

Route for you for a change, see how it makes all the difference. Good luck. 

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