‘Anxiety is a self destructive weapon in which we punish Ourselves’

Mental Health Log: I suffer, too

Lately I’ve been feeling out of touch with everything, completely lost and like I’m on the outside, knocking for a way in. I think it’s because a lot of changes are happening in my life at the moment and it’s pushing me out of my routine. I’m also waiting to start University and just counting down the days until I’ve moved out and being independent.

There are some things in my life which get me down and make me feel intoxicated, but there are some things, particularly people that make me feel invincible. I’m really hoping that things improve and continue to be happy and positive, but lately I have this fear that life is going too quickly for me and I’m failing behind which is frustrating as hell- I just want to go at my own pace and bounce through life like I always have.

Luckily there are some amazing people and music albums that are getting me through. Sometimes my friends know me and understand me better than I know myself and will always be honest with me. ‘Threads’ by ‘Now, Now’ is the album that is pushing my anxiety away and I’ve had it on repeat. I find that Anxiety is a self destructive weapon in which we punish ourselves. A disgusting, common mental illness that makes us feel poorly to the core. We are happy and positive human beings, with a demon inside our head that wants to convince us that we are destined for doom and gloom. I have found that eating healthily and exercising really helps- and that chocolate and alcohol is only sometimes the answer.

I struggle to get out of bed some mornings, with so much panic that the world is gonna throw a loop for me that I only barely manage to put on my work uniform and walk out of my house. I’ve started writing positive, happy messages in my alarm label to get me up and remind me that amongst the chaos, the world still grows flowers and nourishes animals and has dogs in it.

Watching films also helps, I can’t sit there and watch a romantic drama as that just makes me depressed, but watching a comedy or good action film helps. Plus, when you’re looking at Ryan Reynolds for two hours, what’s to feel anxious about? Ultimate eye candy. One of my favourite comedies is ‘The Change Up’, closely followed by ‘Grown Ups’ as that’s just genius for comedy. I also love to read, I’m quite introverted in that sense, but I adore Jodi Picoult and David Nicholls if I’m going to read anything for a long time. However, Peter James is my favourite author and he writes such page turners that you forget everything you were worried about.

I’m trying to find distractions and laughter within the madness and just live day to day without worrying. Of course this is impossible, and I hope to one day be a healthy, happy human, body and brain.

 

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