Having your feelings invalidated is one of the worst feelings in the world. You end up feeling gaslighted, paranoid and completely alone in the way that you feel. People have a habit of not being able to accept responsibility for their own actions and what they have caused for you- so what they do instead is try to rewrite your experiences with their own, and invalidate your feelings in the process by twisting or not giving an accurate description of the truth or the event.
It’s one of those things that happens to everyone, and every immature, irresponsible person does this when they can’t just simply apologise. I guess you’re thinking this most occurs with relationships, but these days it’s parents and children where this occurs the most.
For Millenials, a lot of Childhoods were screwed up. There was an increase in divorce, technology and step families, the three things combined can lead a child/teenager to feel pushed out by their own families and feel like they are on their own. They would rather stay on their phones or computers all day than socialise with their own blood- due to the tricky feelings and emotions they have to deal with. From my experience, when you try to communicate with your elders, your feelings are irrelevant. Children are simply not meant to be appreciated, they are there to obey and behave. With these kids not being able to speak out or communicate properly, they become passive aggressive, riddled with anxiety, depressed and violent. It’s one of the reasons why the Mental Health in the U.K. and America has increased profusely. Families do not have a strong foundation like they used to have, and children are just supposed to accept that, nobody helps them deal with that or makes them feel close or safe after that.
In relationships, only unhealthy or broken ones, gaslighting is a huge error that can break a person and sadly, it happens far too much. The other person starts ghosting you or acting distant, and you want to communicate correctly because you don’t want to argue. But when you address your discomfort at the issue, an argument forms. You are told you are many negative things, called a psycho or ungrateful and then when you start to feel paranoid or angry at yourself, that one person is the person there to pick you up. Or, you are left to stew in your feelings of self hate. Both are unhealthy scenarios. The first one is something I have experienced first hand, and you are scared of leaving the person but at the same time, you are scared of if they stay. You are trapped mentally and emotionally and you don’t feel strong enough to take that on. The second one can be dealt with better, just with time. But for a lot of people for the first scenario, they stay with that person.
People can easily invalidate your feelings because it upsets them or makes them feel guilty by admitting to what happened- they are full of cowardice to just apologise or work through it. These people don’t communicate, they have a need to control and for power, they need to interfere and try to twist your own life and what happened to you.
It’s something which happens a lot in emotional and mentally abusive relationships- the person just can’t escape because they feel weak as somebody else is rewriting their feelings for them. They aren’t entitled to freedom or freedom of emotion.
For anyone out there who feels invalidated by somebody else, fuck them. You are entitled to feel as you want, if you’re angry at something that happened five years ago because nobody helped you, rage about it. You are allowed to be angry. You are allowed to feel hurt and betrayed by people close to you and you shouldn’t feel guilty for that. If you’re upset that nobody will listen to you, find somebody else to talk to who is more with your time. There are good, solid people out there. And they are hard to find, but once you find them, it’s so worth it.