Becoming Nineteen: Embarking on the Past Year

I feel like in a space of a year, I've done so much and it's gone by in a millisecond. When I became Eighteen, I was so doubtful and anxious as a person- I didn't see hope anywhere as I had been on a rollercoaster for the years before. In truth, I felt lost and was hoping that something would guide me to the right path. I acted up and made some really bad decisions which affected me incredibly after my eighteenth birthday, I was putting myself into self destructive turmoil to deal with emotions I hadn't tried to deal with. In some kind of odd positivity, this led me to an epiphany which made me turn my life around for the better. My focus became on work, blogging and being the best version of myself I can be- even if I am broke, exhausted and some days I'm not the best, I can at least see myself as someone I like and would like to be friends with.

I realised that it doesn't matter what people think of me, it matters what I think of me. I don't want to be somebody who I can't respect, I had to put myself first and make selfish decisions in order to realise why I do things- I feel like I've reflected a huge amount on the reasons why I do things and their effects so I can help the issues.

That aside, I've also realised that I'm allowed to have fun and do what I like. Two years ago, I was in a relationship where I was so restricted and gaslighted, not doing anything became second nature. It took another two years to realise that it was okay if I wanted to go out and have fun, if I wanted to go on adventures and explore. I could do whatever I pleased, so I did. I've been on many adventures, I've been to different cities, villages, I've seen new places and conversed with unique people from around my own country. I was a tourist in my own home, I learnt more about what it means to belong somewhere.

I fell back in love with things I had left behind whilst confused and a mess, I picked up my guitar and notebook again and found creative haven in some old habits. I realised that after so much self doubt and insecurity, there was never anything wrong with me. Sure we have our flaws, but I was meant to have them. They were supposed to be a part of me and now I can flaunt them like the rest of myself, I'm as proud of them as I am my best traits.

I am sure of who I am and who the people in my life are- I am filled with trust, peace and happiness. Of course, I still have my struggles but they seem a little bit more worth it than they did last year. I guess it's because now I know I can jump over every and any hurdle.

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July Favourites 2017!

Hi Guys, it's been a while since I did a blog or review on anything that I liked product-wise. So I decided I would talk today about my favourite products from this month. I have tried a lot of new things this month, I've had people recommend things to me and give me things, but few products rarely cut it for me as I am rather fussy. But the ones that have made it, are all incredible.

BUBBLET- Fizzy Bath Powder Summer Fruits Tea


I bought this from Superdrug for £2.55 in the sale, it's cheaper than Epsom salts or a lush bath bomb, but it does not disappoint. It infuses your bath with silkiness and oils and leaves your skin feeling amazing for days after. It has a really gentle, sweet scent. It smells like the twining's fruit teas you can get- which is lovely for a tea lover like myself.
You just pour it into your bath whilst running the warm water and it fills the room with a delightful fragrance that will be sure to make your day.

THE BODY SHOP: RASPBERRY BODY BUTTER


The Body Shop is loved everywhere, right?! But I rarely buy products from there as it can be quite pricey. I bought this in the sale last September and didn't use it, until now. It smells of raspberry yogurt (absolutely incredible scent) and is beautiful for skin that suffers from things such as eczema. My skin is so much softer since using this product and has a lovely, clean, exfoliated glow. I use it after every bath, and every shower and I find it to be perhaps the best moisturiser I've ever used. The scent makes it so lovely- it's up there with my favourite body shop fragrance which is Vineyard Peach.

SUPERDRUG's COCONUT OIL WITH ARGAN

I have been LOVING this throughout July. As I colour my hair a great deal, I like to use hair oils to keep my hair healthy and smooth. I have used the original coconut oil by Superdrug before and it's always been super good, but this one produces a glorious, radiant shine and reduces flyaway's a lot more than any other hair oil. I also use this as a hot oil cleanser by melting it between my hands, applying it to the face and then removing it with a warm face cloth.

ORIGINAL SOURCE SHOWER GEL: POMEGRANATE AND HIBISCUS

I adore these shower gels, I've used them countless times and I love how amazing the scents are and the variety of scents. I also love that they are cruelty free and vegan, as it makes it accessible to everyone else a bit more. This one is a gorgeous scent, really fresh and sweet- however it is limited edition so I'd run out and get it now before it's too late! One of the nicest shower gels I have ever used. Their Vanilla and raspberry one is my absolute favourite shower gel, but this one is a close second.

So those were my July Favourites, hope you get to try some of these yourselves!

NETFLIX: ‘To The Bone’ – Review 

‘To the Bone’ is written and directed by Marti Noxon for streaming service Netflix. The film centres around eating disorders and stars Lily Collins as Ellen, as she suffers from Anorexia. 

Before it’s release, the film was feared to glorify eating disorders and be a potential trigger to sufferers and recoverers. This is why I think reviews on this are important before you watch it. 

Ellen is a character who you would see as very negative, but it’s easy to see why. Her family clearly don’t put her interests at heart in the right way, they don’t understand Anorexia and they don’t try too. Ellen’s Step Mother Susan (played by Carrie Preston) is constantly insensitive to her disorder without realising. Telling her she’s not beautiful and baking her a burger shaped cake that says “Eat” on it. Her dad is never in the picture and won’t talk to her until she gains weight. Her Mother and her Girlfriend kicked her out because they couldn’t deal with her disorder anymore. 

Ellen is so numb to the ways of her family, that she uses starvation as a way of control. She repeatedly tells her half sister, “I have it under control.” She punishes herself for past events by working out too hard and restricting. 

With a suave ‘Girl Interupted’ vibe, Ellen is taken to an impatient program by Doctor Beckham (Keanu Reeves) where she stays in a house with six other patients, one of them is a guy called Luke who is near recovery from anorexia and spends his time trying to heal others in the house. 

Ellen embarks on a journey, knowing that people only get to stay in the house if they make the decision to fight to live. She befriends the girls and Luke, each day avoiding ‘The Tube’. It’s a journey of up and downs, you see her highs and you see her lows. How quickly she can pick herself up and make massive improvements but then relapse and struggle. As somebody who used to restrict and obsessively calorie count, it isn’t triggering. There are moments when it is emotional and you want to cry, but it’s not because of the eating disorder. 

The film has a happy vibe throughout. You know somehow that she’s going to make progress, you know it’s going to be tough but you want to support Ellen going through it. Lily Collin’s performance as Ellen is outstanding and if any other actress played her, then negativity would be too empowering. Lily’s subtle comedic undertones to emotion which we saw in ‘Love, Rosie’ are all here. 

I would highly recommend this movie and I feel it can do so much in terms of awareness. 

Maybelline ‘Push up Drama’ Review 

The Packaging

I was lucky enough to be sent one of Maybelline’s Mascara’s to try and review for a tester company. Obviously Mascara is a pretty important make up product, and whereas I would say I love my makeup, I never want to spend a fortune on it. 

The mascara is ‘The Falsies: Push up Drama”. And comes in really cute, metallic red packaging which makes it seem more adult compared to other maybelline products. I have used Maybelline mascaras in the past, but ditched them after I found the LOreal Manga Eyes mascara, which became my true love. But after using this, I think I might have to rotate and debate which mascara I’m going to be using on a daily basis. 

First Application

On first application, my lashes are naturally curled by the precision of the brush. There was no need for an eyelash curler, which is a winner for me as I find them impossible to fit back into my makeup bag. The downside is a lot of product comes onto the brush at once, which can make your lashes appear quite clumpy. I had to wipe off a lot of excess from the brush to separate my lashes and make them look suitable for daily use. 


What I liked about this mascara, was the fact the product was so statement, you don’t have to wear anymore makeup alongside it. Your lashes are elevated, your face is set for the day after two minutes. 

All in all, it reminds me of Benefits ‘They’re Real’ Mascara. It’s an amazing dupe for that with an affordable price tag. I won’t be using it every day as it’s not an every day mascara, but it will be perfect on a night out if I don’t want to wear falsies. 

It’s simple- stealthing is rape 

Rape happens every day. In some countries it’s more common than others, but more of it is creeping into the western world and it is something to be alert about. But more so, we are not being educated on consent and what that means, there’s a lot of difficulty in talking about consent, in particular to people of a young age. But to me, consent is a huge, big thing. It’s the ability to decide and make a choice and that choice is the person’s and that person’s only. Disrespecting somebody’s lack of consent is rape.

Lately I’ve seen lots of articles about stealthing, how some women were finding it hard to trust anybody after the incident and couldn’t go into a normal relationship- much like a rape victim. And all I could think to myself was, it is still rape. 

If somebody has consented to protected sex, that means when you remove the protection, you have to then ask for consent again. Because they originally consented to everything within boundary- but removing that means that they haven’t consented at all to the act. It is the same for Women who claim they are taking the pill- but actually aren’t. 
There needs to be more education about consent. For example, pressure on somebody to perform a sexual act is mental coercion, as they wouldn’t consent naturally so you could question whether it is consensual at all. This is a form of sexual harassment, but should be looked at as a form of mental abuse or rape. 

We need to talk about this one hundred percent, as there are many people out there who believe that rape is just a physical, forceful thing. But it is so much more than the violence, it is about the lack of consent, the invading disrespect, the mental and physical control. We need to have more education in school’s about consent before the legal age, for both boys and girls.

It is shocking to me that there are people who emotionally blackmail people into sex, who pretend to wear a condom, who pretend to take the pill. It is disgusting and issues like this need to be talked about in classes so people get into good habits when they are going through a sexual experimentation period. 
What are your thoughts? 

Writing Hiatus

Hi Guys,

 

Currently I am working a lot of hours and I don’t have a lot of time available to me to deliver you new content and writing. I will be blogging next week again maybe- but in the worst case scenario that its a while until my next post, I wanted to make all you lovely people aware that I am okay- I am just working hard for my money so I can afford adventures and rent!

I have some great and exciting plans over the next couple of months, so when I blog it will probably be a bit more personal and a little bit more of an insider into my life. I’m also going to try to start my youtube account properly so exploring thoughts has a visual too.

I hope you all have a lovely week and that you are all doing okay!

 

 

My Health Goals/Health Log For 2017 (So Far) 

As many of you probably already know, I started this year with a vow to myself that I would be an all round healthier person. This includes physical, mental and emotional health. I’ve been super careful and relaxed about the whole process, I haven’t put any unnessescary pressure on myself and I’ve enjoyed where I’ve been so far. I wasn’t sure when I was going to write this blog post, as it’s quite personal but I’m starting to upload more personal posts so that you can get to know me as a blogger. This is so if I want to communicate with any of you in future, it’s easier to do so. 

In January I pledged to myself that I would make smaller changes to make myself healthier. 2016 was a huge rocky path for me and I feel like I went up and down like a yo yo health wise. I started to tune in to my body and listen to what it needed- rather than what I wanted. So there I was, start of January flicking through various web pages noting things down that I was going to do to make myself healthier. It wasn’t that easy. When you write down things and tell yourself you must stick to it, it becomes unbelievably hard for you to do so. I’m a spontaneous and free thinker, I knew that if I was going to do the cliche ‘healthier me’ process, I was going to have to theoretically wing it. 

I downloaded an app called Lifesum which basically encourages you to stay on track and based on the data you put in during the week, it gives you a life score so you can work out what you’re doing to your body. Some days I’m balanced, some days I’m super good. I haven’t got to the bottom tiers yet, thank god. But you can track your water, your meals and your exercise. It’s not all about calorie counting or excessively restricting yourself- it just gives you an idea of what you should be eating more of. For example, if I ate a meal that was mainly rice or something, the app would give me advice on how to add more vegetables. It’s really handy, and comes with a great recipe page, too. 

So I’ve been using that and loving it. I think it will be a staple for me when I’m at university too, just so I can beat the freshers flu by eating my veg. 

I’ve been drinking more water. A lot more water. I will easily get through about 1.5 litres a day, and that doesn’t include water I get from tea and sugar free squash. If there’s a day where I’m working and I can’t drink as much, my skin automatically knows. I break out and my body craves sugar, because I’m not giving it what it wants and it’s clinging for something else. 

I’ve been trying to eat less meat. I will never be a vegetarian or a vegan. When I tried to go vegetarian, I had no energy and felt so weak and ill that I just started introducing small amounts of meat back into my diet. Having a family that cooks for you and are strong meat eaters can be difficult- you can’t deny it as you feel rude but at the same time you don’t want to force it on the body you have which already has had enough. You end up having to avoid having meat put on your plate and filling it up with veggies instead- which has been fine, but a little awkward at times. I do still eat meat, just less of it. Quorn do amazing substitutes which I have a lot of. 

I picked up High Intensity Interval Training. This is a high intensity workout that I can get done in fifteen minutes, so can be done on a busy day. It just makes me feel more refreshed and definitely more energised. I follow some by the body coach, but also Anna Saccone’s workout videos are incredible if you want something to watch in the background. 

Emotionally, I’ve cut people out. People who don’t deserve my time or efforts don’t get it- simple as. I am definitely a person who finds it hard to make friends, but when I have them I treasure them so I’ve taken it to heart when the same amount of effort hasn’t been put in. I’m a people person, but I don’t need people in my life who want to mess me around. 

Mentally, I’ve started listening to my heart and ignoring my head. My head is poisened with anxiety, but it’s fine, I don’t have to listen to it. Admittedly I find most days difficult, but I’m in a recovery position where I feel stronger and able to know where I’m at. Exercise has helped a great deal with coping with my anxiety and has put my panic attacks on pause. 

So that is where I’m at. It’s July 1st, so I’ve been doing this seven months now. But in total I’ve lost seven pounds, I’ve gained so much respect for myself and also so much discipline. This is something I decided to do for myself, nobody decided it for me. This is something I felt I needed to do and I’m so glad I have.